the ways we have altered as if time were shaping us into a fully formed image of a family indelible smoke emptying

from the weatherboarded house released into the clean air i have used this image to rake rocks from the driveway

to release the heavy breath from the paddocks below the urgency of it all i have wished to remove all of it

to refashion your eyes empty your bodies of the knots building towards a fall crossing the dams in hope of alterations

i can attempt to heal beyond scars in the skin, a depth without physical form acres through Woodstock drying out

a calling up of memory of your fathers, one five years dead and one dying shimmering and burning out

the lights from the house became an endless blackness even when calling to home a sense of loss imagined

at the border of the property the ancient gums cut the sky clouds broken beneath the drive of wind when death created inevitability

i followed your fear into it and did not return the concrete rooftops called me to an edge and stared down the years then terror that allowed me to survive the height

veiled in secrecy, a slow drive where reality was a confrontation unplanned lit by the rooflights of the police car to a ward with further assessments bearing my guilt

i was out of hospital before you knew I had tempted an end announced later after resurfacing as i drew tears from your skin

you hated all the stages of waiting as knowledge was a fear i wondered how you saw weakness and hated the very notion of suicide

the misunderstandings thinly built by wind against the yellowing grasses when I walked the paddocks night after night in endless searching

a missing son love could not repair and my apologies now letting go of the embedded pain accepting your arms, climbing further into you

towards a safety denied for years that became too difficult to deem reality regret escapes my wounds, divides amongst us into a rebirth sounding from our property

i can now wake without withdrawing into a state of anaemia without freeing veins of blood from the body handed to me from your mouths of optimism

all blood and flesh coupled, scarring to present the skin in a new light towards the body’s flawing as we love in unconditional manners we must learn to take everything unscathed, at whatever distance.

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5 thoughts on “lines in reflection

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